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Handling Disappointment To Be A Resilient Writer, by Amy Kathleen Ryan

If you want to be a writer, you have to be tough. The road to publication is full of soul crushing disappointment. Before you find an agent willing to take you on, you might have to endure rejection from several dozen. If you are lucky enough to land a representative, then you might be treated to an onslaught of rejection from dozens of editors before you find the right one. Once you get over the euphoria of your first publication, you might get slammed with a few bad reviews, or worse, you might not get reviewed at all. Then there are the blogs, and the reader reviews, which can get so mean spirited you’ll want to shut off your wi-fi forever.

For a writer, there are endless opportunities to have your tender heart crushed under the wheels of fortune’s dump truck. So how to cope? I’ve been in the business long enough that I’ve developed a few strategies that get me through the tough spots, and I freely share them with you:

Talk to your bestie. I have a wonderful husband who is very good at talking me off the ledge. I’ve also got a best friend who thinks my writing is top notch. Find the people in your life who believe in you and talk about your feelings. A lot of writers keep things bottled up, but that’s just going to make you difficult to live with. Talking it out with a supportive friend can really help you get over a hurt.

Read writers’ memoirs. It always helps to know that you’re not the only one. Every writer knows rejection, and a really honest memoir will talk about it. I remember reading Graham Greene’s A Sort of Autobiography, feeling comforted to know that he chose not to publish his first three books. Knowing that a brilliant writer like him has unpublished works makes me feel better about the dogs I’ve got hidden away. Another excellent memoir is Madeleine L’Engle’s A Circle of Quiet, in which she describes pacing her office in tears after receiving her umpteen millionth rejection for A Wrinkle in Time. What writer wouldn’t feel better after reading that?

Read some negative reader reviews for a writer you truly admire. In my opinion, Suzanne Collins’s Hunger Games series deserves every bit of success it has seen. Not everyone agrees with me. If I ever need to feel cheered up about a really mean review of one of my books, I’ll check out the one star reader reviews for The Hunger Games, or another great book I’ve loved. Most of the time, really cruel reviews are written by silly people, but I’m only able to see that silliness when the review is about someone else’s book. It always helps me feel a lot better knowing the person who didn’t like my book might be just as silly.

Remember disappointment and rejection are part of the job. Every writer, from Charles Dickens to Charlaine Harris, has been rejected. Sometimes it’s about your work. If you’re sending your stuff out before it’s ready, the rejection is your fault and you need to take responsibility and fix it. But sometimes you just haven’t found the right agent or editor, and you need to keep trying. Either way, move on to the next book or representative or publishing house, and don’t feel too sorry for yourself because just like the brain surgeon sometimes loses a patient, sometimes your work will fail to impress. At least for writers, no lives are lost when we fall short.

Above all, keep writing. If you’re working on the next book, and you’re excited about it, a disappointment about your last book might not sting so badly. As far as my own writing goes, I think each of my books is better than the last, and that always makes me feel hopeful.

You can try your hardest and you still might fail, but you will definitely fail if you give up. You might as well give yourself a chance. In my experience, learning to get over the disappointment that goes along with being a writer is a greater determinant of success than talent. I’ve seen plenty of very gifted people give up when they shouldn’t have, and I can only imagine their regret. So keep your chin up! Keep writing!


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